Our Women, Relationships & Marriage

5 Bad Habits You’ve Developed In Your Marriage

By K.S. Louman

There is no misconception that marriage is easy. Most people know that marriage takes a lot of work, and like any relationship, it evolves – developing a deeper understanding of one another. This evolution of your relationship also creates new challenges – including many bad habits which, if you can identify and avoid, can be easily overcome. Read below for some common bad habits people develop in their marriage, and what potential they can have to ruin your relationship.

#1 Falling into a Routine Just because you are married doesn’t mean you don’t have to try to impress each other anymore. Getting into a routine sometimes means only doing nice things for each other on special occasions like birthdays and Valentine’s Day. Get out of that routine – you should be reminding your spouse of why they fell in love with you, not making them wish you acted more like you did when you were dating.

#2 Avoiding Conflicts Every marriage will have its conflicts and disagreements. But trying to avoid a fight doesn’t make the problem go away, and in fact, it makes it worse by leaving it unresolved. Learn to discuss problems constructively and deal with them in a productive way. Nagging, yelling, and ignoring are not solutions and will only make matters worse. Bring up issues before they get to be serious problems and you may be able to resolve them sooner and with less conflict.

Photo by Zire Photography

#3 Getting too Comfortable One of the great things about marriage is that you can be yourself and know that your spouse loves you for it. Your days of nervous dating and “do they like me?” are over and aren’t you relieved! However, there is such a thing as being too comfortable. Burping at dinner, leaving dirty laundry around and basically acting like you live with a college roommate instead of your spouse can lead to a serious decline in romance. Be comfortable with your spouse, but also be courteous, considerate and clean.

#4 No Sex One of the main bad habits people fall into in marriage is the lack of a healthy, active sex life. Time consuming work, children, and a boring routine can kill a libido – and have a devastating effect on your relationship. Keep it exciting, even if it means scheduling romantic time together. You’ll both be glad you did.

#5 No Fun Marriage should be fun, not boring or stressful. Be spontaneous! Surprise your spouse after work with tickets to a movie and a nice dinner. Take a weekend trip even if it is just a bed and breakfast an hour away. Having fun doesn’t mean spending lots of time or money. There is no reason that you can’t manage a few hours a week for recreation together. Making time to have fun and relax makes a huge difference in easing a potentially stressful and unromantic marriage.

Like all habits, some are hard to break. If you have found that your marriage has developed these habits, it’s best to talk to your spouse about them and discuss ways that you can both work to revive your marriage and break them together. Maybe you can even start to develop exciting and new healthy habits in your relationship.

Source: K.S. Louman writes relationship advice for www.marriagemax.com. For more information on how to keep your marriage in good shape and overcome bad habits that you may have developed, please visit www.marriagemax.com.

About Proud Poppas United

A former Youth Division Aide and Mental Health Therapist with the Office of Children and Family Services turned his reduction-in-force experience into a win-win situation, and many are reaping this harvest. When Tyrone “Zire” McCants, who is also a versatile services photographer and visionary in the Phoenix, AZ, lost his job; he took his youthful interest in photography and his prior knowledge from working in a family-centered position into new ventures. He even figured out a way to coincide his two passions into meaningful opportunities to advance his cause. The layoff he faced freed him up to develop his photography business (Zire Photography & Graphics) and to showcase his skills as a prolific artist. One of those ventures that McCants created was an initiative called Proud Poppas United; which is a community-based group designed to strengthen the bonds between fathers & their children. It aims to encourage a tradition of fatherhood and family, increasing the number of active fathers in our community. When McCants isn’t intellectually cultivating his repertoire of talents, he manages to merge his interest in photography with his desire and passion for fatherhood. Using the Proud Poppas Photo Project, as his flagship initiative, he displays images which celebrate and encourage the pride of being an active father. In many minority and ethnic communities, there is a progressive concern of absentee fathers and the devastating effects of this challenge on our children, our families, and community. He also believes that by displaying these images will help to shed light on and celebrate the gift of fatherhood. He hopes that this movement will also become contagious and bring other men closer to their children and families, and encourage a presence of well-being and development in our children, our families, our communities and our people as a whole. McCants quotes that “My scope is capturing the energy between a father and his children” and that’s what he is creating through his community development initiatives. Through, a first look into the reality concerning “Responsible Fathers” many disturbing statistics and contributing factors related to absent fathers. But, to the credit of McCants, he has been able to overlook the negative stereotypes and prejudices that have perpetuated his community and rise to the occasion. Although, he wears many hats that provide guidance and leadership to the infrastructure of his life’s purpose. To all of the fathers out there with the silent victories of triumph and the principle-centered leadership; who fight depression, financial woes, relationship conflicts, the penal system and the racism of our day; McCants say’s “Thank you” for all that you have been able to get accomplished behind your veil of anonymity. You have just endured the last 13 years of this millennium, and you are still here to tell about it. Although some will say that these last few years have been amazing they are still asleep to the fact that; we (The black community) must work with higher ideals versus dollars and cents. We must look within ourselves and see us as being brave, black, accountable, and reliable. The truth of the matter is that you are embracing fatherhood but at a frequency that may not be understood. I am with you as we will not look at the diluted statistics but at the “transformational leadership” that is displayed by all black fathers and role models everywhere. Don’t give up now as our families are leaning on you in these times of difficulty to represent us to the best of your ability as the “Mighty Men of Valor.” You are the man for the job, and now it’s time to come out of hiding and show the world what real black men look like; and we represent as a tribe of Intellectual builders, teachers, warriors, leaders and Kings. “Fatherhood is not a right; it’s a privilege. Your children are the best part of you. I send my love to this new generation of fathers who have learned from the sins of the past and take a very active role in the lives of our children. ~RAPPER TALIB KWELI, FATHER OF TWO

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