Resources

Brockton Fatherhood Program works to help men overcome challenges

For the men in the Brockton Area Fatherhood Program it’s not about being the perfect dad, said probation officer Randy Horton, 54, a father of three, who has run the program for the past 14 years.

“The whole premise, and what I tell the men, is to be the best father that they can be,” Horton said.

Participants have taken divergent routes into the program, and not all of them are there by choice. The fathers come from the courts, substance-abuse programs and of their own desire to make a change. Some have been to jail and are on probation, others are facing restraining orders or custody battles.

Fathers as young as 14 and grandfathers learning to be parents to their grandchildren have passed through the program, but most of the men are between 25 and 35. Horton has worked with a homeless man struggling to keep his family together despite his hardship and with a millionaire ordered into the program through divorce court. He flew to Plymouth County in a private plane, Horton said.

There are typically 15 participants per 12-week session. They meet once a week for two hours in space provided by Teen Challenge, a faith-based nonprofit. Classes feature a variety of guest speakers, as well as video- and discussion-based learning.

Probation Officer Randy Horton, 54, has run the Brockton Area Fatherhood Program for the past 14 years. (Emily J. Reynolds/The Enterprise)

Horton and the guest speakers volunteer, and he has collected the learning materials himself overtime.

“I don’t use it like a traditional classroom,” Horton said. “It’s a very open structure and the men learn from each other by sharing their experiences.”

Horton been doing this long enough to know that if they complete the program, fathers will come away with a set of tools to help them be better parents. The topics range from the nuts-and-bolts of parenting like child safety, what to do when a baby cries or how to discipline a willful teenager, to listening skills and how to show affection and address a child’s emotions.

There are lessons about substance abuse and how a father’s drinking or drug use affects their children. Others focus on how to navigate the court system, keep up with child-support payments and create the opportunity to play a larger role in their children’s lives.

Horton also drives home the importance of providing financial support, to the best of one’s ability, for his child as well for that of the mother of his child. Some of the tactics are simple yet profound. For men who smoke cigarettes, struggle to pay for their child’s needs, he recommends placing a photo of them inside the pack. That way when they light up, they’re reminded of how that money could be better spent.

“To be honest I thought I was a good dad, and I felt a little resentful when the judge ordered me here,” said Bob Simeone, 49, recalling when he first entered the program six-years-ago.

Since then he has completed the course three times as a participant, and comes back regularly to share his story with other dads.

When he first joined the program, Simeone was going through a separation from the mother of his 2-year-old daughter. The two clashed over visitation and their dealings were soured by mistrust, heated arguments and restraining orders. The fatherhood program helped Simeone change the dynamic in the relationship in a way that has allowed him to play a much more active role in his daughter’s life.

One of the most important and often difficult lessons is how to overcome a contentious relationship with the mother of their child.

“I tell the guys, you don’t have to love them, but you do have to respect them,” Horton said.

For some of the men, their own parents fought bitterly. They may not have learned constructive ways of dealing with their partner. The program tries to teach strategies and techniques to avoid conflict.

If an argument starts, Horton tells them to remove themselves from the situation. He advises that dads “use their feet” and walk away when things get heated. Especially when the children are present. Arguing in front the kids can upset them, but it can also shape behaviors and affect their development, he explained.

Part of the program’s efficacy is that it shows the fathers that they’re not alone and that there are other dads facing the same challenges.

At a recent meeting, the men were asked to describe their relationships with their own fathers in a word or phrase. One man said “messed up,” another “terrible,” still another said he’d had a close loving relationship with his dad. But Horton said all too often the answer is that the relationship was nonexistent.

“Children who grow up without a father have a hole in their soul in his shape,” Horton said.

There is a generational cycle to parenting. Men who grow up without fathers are filled with self-doubt about becoming fathers themselves. The obstacles in their lives might make the challenge of being a dad feel insurmountable. Others grew up with chaotic home lives and want to avoid their parent’s shortcomings, but may not know how.

The Brockton Area Fatherhood Program aims to help dads who are confronting challenges – be it poverty, substance abuse, broken relationships, past crimes or a combination thereof – learn the tools to break that negative generational cycle, and give their children a brighter future.

It doesn’t always work. Horton knows that ultimately the motivation to be good dad comes from within.

“Success in this program is predicated on participant desire to be better fathers,” he said.

Morgan True may be reached at mtrue@enterprisenews.com follow him on twitter @truemorgan_ENT.

Source: http://www.enterprisenews.com/news/x1372984307/Program-works-to-help-area-fathers-overcome-challenges#ixzz2mMfEWnoI
Follow us: @enterprisenews on Twitter | EnterpriseBrockton on Facebook

About Proud Poppas United

A former Youth Division Aide and Mental Health Therapist with the Office of Children and Family Services turned his reduction-in-force experience into a win-win situation, and many are reaping this harvest. When Tyrone “Zire” McCants, who is also a versatile services photographer and visionary in the Phoenix, AZ, lost his job; he took his youthful interest in photography and his prior knowledge from working in a family-centered position into new ventures. He even figured out a way to coincide his two passions into meaningful opportunities to advance his cause. The layoff he faced freed him up to develop his photography business (Zire Photography & Graphics) and to showcase his skills as a prolific artist. One of those ventures that McCants created was an initiative called Proud Poppas United; which is a community-based group designed to strengthen the bonds between fathers & their children. It aims to encourage a tradition of fatherhood and family, increasing the number of active fathers in our community. When McCants isn’t intellectually cultivating his repertoire of talents, he manages to merge his interest in photography with his desire and passion for fatherhood. Using the Proud Poppas Photo Project, as his flagship initiative, he displays images which celebrate and encourage the pride of being an active father. In many minority and ethnic communities, there is a progressive concern of absentee fathers and the devastating effects of this challenge on our children, our families, and community. He also believes that by displaying these images will help to shed light on and celebrate the gift of fatherhood. He hopes that this movement will also become contagious and bring other men closer to their children and families, and encourage a presence of well-being and development in our children, our families, our communities and our people as a whole. McCants quotes that “My scope is capturing the energy between a father and his children” and that’s what he is creating through his community development initiatives. Through, a first look into the reality concerning “Responsible Fathers” many disturbing statistics and contributing factors related to absent fathers. But, to the credit of McCants, he has been able to overlook the negative stereotypes and prejudices that have perpetuated his community and rise to the occasion. Although, he wears many hats that provide guidance and leadership to the infrastructure of his life’s purpose. To all of the fathers out there with the silent victories of triumph and the principle-centered leadership; who fight depression, financial woes, relationship conflicts, the penal system and the racism of our day; McCants say’s “Thank you” for all that you have been able to get accomplished behind your veil of anonymity. You have just endured the last 13 years of this millennium, and you are still here to tell about it. Although some will say that these last few years have been amazing they are still asleep to the fact that; we (The black community) must work with higher ideals versus dollars and cents. We must look within ourselves and see us as being brave, black, accountable, and reliable. The truth of the matter is that you are embracing fatherhood but at a frequency that may not be understood. I am with you as we will not look at the diluted statistics but at the “transformational leadership” that is displayed by all black fathers and role models everywhere. Don’t give up now as our families are leaning on you in these times of difficulty to represent us to the best of your ability as the “Mighty Men of Valor.” You are the man for the job, and now it’s time to come out of hiding and show the world what real black men look like; and we represent as a tribe of Intellectual builders, teachers, warriors, leaders and Kings. “Fatherhood is not a right; it’s a privilege. Your children are the best part of you. I send my love to this new generation of fathers who have learned from the sins of the past and take a very active role in the lives of our children. ~RAPPER TALIB KWELI, FATHER OF TWO

Discussion

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 1,053 other followers

Proud Poppas on Twitter

%d bloggers like this: