Communication, Fun and Excitement, Our Women, Planning and Development, Relationships & Marriage

5 Tips to Creating and Maintaining a Successful Marriage

Written by: Martez Layton

G.ood balance is pivotal to maintaining good chemistry and years of good success. Balance refers to understanding one another’s strengths and weaknesses. Many arguments that erupt in the marriage are primarily fueled due to one spouse focusing on a weakness of the other. For example, if someone in the relationship has a weakness in communicating their feelings, to continue to push that person to talk or listen the way you want them to can become very harmful to the relationship. This frustration eventually turns to anger which in turn causes excessive arguing. Whether you are maintaining balance financially, sexually, physically, or verbally, the key is to be willing to show compassion with understanding and patience.

R.ealistic expectations can be the difference in having weekends filled with fun and excitement or dread and rejection. For example, if your spouse is a huge college football for fan and you have expectations of doing things together on Saturdays, then those expectations could cause challenges in the marriage. Realistic expectations take into consideration the experiences, desires, family values and moral and social convictions of a person. I am not saying that expectations cannot change over the course of the marriage, but make sure your expectations have realistic timelines and that you are not focusing on simply trying to force change. You want to continually find out during your marriage what your spouse is expecting from you. This conversation should be held without judgment or sarcasm because expectations have emotions attached to them and some have been a part of a person’s life since childhood. The goal is to find common ground and maintain love and respect around the expectations.

A.cceptance and acknowledgment brings a deeper level of understanding and appreciation in your love relationship. During the marriage there will be continuous emotional, mental and physical changes, but knowing that your spouse accepts you and is willing to be flexible and grow with you, adds confidence and self-esteem in the marital relationship. This is vitally important if your spouse’s love language is words of affirmation. You could be the greatest spouse a person could want, but without knowing how to show acceptance and give acknowledgment could be the very thing which causes your marriage to fail.

C.ommunication is at the core of the foundation of any marital relationship. Good communication can have a positive affect on all areas whether financially, emotionally, mentally, sexually or spiritually. Whatever the challenge is in a marriage, the lack of communication is always at the core. With that being said, for this reason alone, couples should always be trying to improve in the area of communication. The starting point for this is always talking with your professional coach or counselor.

E.ducation is a requirement which forces each partner to continually expand their knowledge about one another and the challenges that they may face. Constant reading and learning allows new doors of opportunity to open in the relationship and keeps creativity flowing. Learning is the key to growing! The saying in life is the same in marriage, “what you don’t know will hurt you.” This is why each partner in the marriage should be reading a book or taking a class or workshop to improve their marital relationship.

As you may have noticed in this article, the first letter for each section spells out G.R.A.C.E. This is because no marriage can truly have success without grace. Grace is connected to forgiveness and forgiveness is connected to love. In fact, the depth of your love for anyone is always measured by the depth of your forgiveness. Marriage can at times require daily forgiveness, but it is during those times that the marital bond is being strengthened. Grace is full of encouragement, while blame is full of judgment and condemnation. So, remember good balance, realistic expectations, acceptance and acknowledgement, communication and education founded in GRACE will always lead to a successful marriage!

Source: BlackLifeCoaches.Net –

About Proud Poppas United

A former Youth Division Aide and Mental Health Therapist with the Office of Children and Family Services turned his reduction-in-force experience into a win-win situation, and many are reaping this harvest. When Tyrone “Zire” McCants, who is also a versatile services photographer and visionary in the Phoenix, AZ, lost his job; he took his youthful interest in photography and his prior knowledge from working in a family-centered position into new ventures. He even figured out a way to coincide his two passions into meaningful opportunities to advance his cause. The layoff he faced freed him up to develop his photography business (Zire Photography & Graphics) and to showcase his skills as a prolific artist. One of those ventures that McCants created was an initiative called Proud Poppas United; which is a community-based group designed to strengthen the bonds between fathers & their children. It aims to encourage a tradition of fatherhood and family, increasing the number of active fathers in our community. When McCants isn’t intellectually cultivating his repertoire of talents, he manages to merge his interest in photography with his desire and passion for fatherhood. Using the Proud Poppas Photo Project, as his flagship initiative, he displays images which celebrate and encourage the pride of being an active father. In many minority and ethnic communities, there is a progressive concern of absentee fathers and the devastating effects of this challenge on our children, our families, and community. He also believes that by displaying these images will help to shed light on and celebrate the gift of fatherhood. He hopes that this movement will also become contagious and bring other men closer to their children and families, and encourage a presence of well-being and development in our children, our families, our communities and our people as a whole. McCants quotes that “My scope is capturing the energy between a father and his children” and that’s what he is creating through his community development initiatives. Through, a first look into the reality concerning “Responsible Fathers” many disturbing statistics and contributing factors related to absent fathers. But, to the credit of McCants, he has been able to overlook the negative stereotypes and prejudices that have perpetuated his community and rise to the occasion. Although, he wears many hats that provide guidance and leadership to the infrastructure of his life’s purpose. To all of the fathers out there with the silent victories of triumph and the principle-centered leadership; who fight depression, financial woes, relationship conflicts, the penal system and the racism of our day; McCants say’s “Thank you” for all that you have been able to get accomplished behind your veil of anonymity. You have just endured the last 13 years of this millennium, and you are still here to tell about it. Although some will say that these last few years have been amazing they are still asleep to the fact that; we (The black community) must work with higher ideals versus dollars and cents. We must look within ourselves and see us as being brave, black, accountable, and reliable. The truth of the matter is that you are embracing fatherhood but at a frequency that may not be understood. I am with you as we will not look at the diluted statistics but at the “transformational leadership” that is displayed by all black fathers and role models everywhere. Don’t give up now as our families are leaning on you in these times of difficulty to represent us to the best of your ability as the “Mighty Men of Valor.” You are the man for the job, and now it’s time to come out of hiding and show the world what real black men look like; and we represent as a tribe of Intellectual builders, teachers, warriors, leaders and Kings. “Fatherhood is not a right; it’s a privilege. Your children are the best part of you. I send my love to this new generation of fathers who have learned from the sins of the past and take a very active role in the lives of our children. ~RAPPER TALIB KWELI, FATHER OF TWO


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