New Relationships and Dating, Our Women, Relationships & Marriage

4 Ways You May Be Hurting Your Man’s Feelings and Didn’t Even Know It!

PSA: MEN ARE SENSITIVE! “Everything a man does in this world is to please a woman!” From childhood, little boys gravitate towards their mothers and seek to please them. Disappointing mom would hurt a boy to his core.Well, the same things holds true in adulthood. As men, we seek to please our wives.  And as masculine as we might be and as tough as we come off, our weak spots lie within our women.  And because of that, you may be hurting your man’s feelings and don’t even realize it.Here are 4 scenarios to consider:Scenario 1

1 of 5 – Remember that time when he took some initiative and did some things he doesn’t normally do? Remember when he cleaned the house, washed all the clothes, did the dishes and fixed those things around the house? Well, do you also remember when instead of saying thank you…the first thing you did was criticize him for missing those few spots, for not folding the clothes the way you like them folded or some other knit-picky thing?. You see, he was proud of what he had done and he did it all to satisfy you. But then you crushed that enthusiasm with your negativity. You hurt his feelings and didn’t even know it because he probably expressed it in a more masculine and defensive way like “well forget it then, next time do it your d**n self!”

Scenario 2
2 of 5 – Remember when he took the kids off your hands for the day just to give you a break and instead of you trusting that he knew what he was doing you called 100 times? Remember when you came back home and criticized how he had dressed the kids, what he made for them to eat, and fussed about the mess he let them make? You treated him like one of the kids instead and overlooked the whole fact that he did it all for you. You hurt his feelings and didn’t even know it because you were to self-absorbed to even realize it. He didn’t let you know you hurt his feelings, instead he just allows you to handle the kids for now on because obviously he isn’t capable.
Scenario 3
3 of 5 – Remember when he planned that special outing for you? He took to you a place he thought was nice, bought you a gift he thought you would like and he took you to the restaurant he thought you would enjoy. Do you also remember that you complained the whole weekend about the weather, you gave his gift the “what is this?” scrunched up face look, and you hated the food at the restaurant. Suddenly all of the effort he put into everything seemed in vain. Again he had disappointed you and your disappointment hurt his feelings and you didn’t even realize it. He didn’t say much about it though. But for now on he just asks you what you want to do because when he plans it you don’t like it.
Scenario 4
4 of 5 – Remember when he made a sexual advance at you on a Monday and you acted uninterested? Then he tried again on Tuesday and you had a headache. He tried Wednesday and you were “tired.” Thursday nights Scandal is on and he “knows better” than to “try” you during that time. Well now it’s 2 weeks later and he hasn’t tried at all and now you are getting suspicious. Well the truth is that you consistently turning down his advances hurt his feelings and his confidence. The same way you want to feel desirable he does too, but you were so used to controlling when the sex happens that you didn’t realize that. Now he just waits on you initiate because his ego can’t take being turned down anymore.
Should He Man Up?
5 of 5 – I see you now thinking that he should just “Man Up” right? The truth is that it’s not a matter of masculinity, it’s more about the fact that your man wants to do nothing more than please you and he wants nothing more than for you to appreciate his efforts. He might not always get it right, but if he knows you appreciate it he will keep trying until he does.
BMWK Fam- what are other ways we may be hurting each other’s feelings and not realizing it?

About Proud Poppas United

A former Youth Division Aide and Mental Health Therapist with the Office of Children and Family Services turned his reduction-in-force experience into a win-win situation, and many are reaping this harvest. When Tyrone “Zire” McCants, who is also a versatile services photographer and visionary in the Phoenix, AZ, lost his job; he took his youthful interest in photography and his prior knowledge from working in a family-centered position into new ventures. He even figured out a way to coincide his two passions into meaningful opportunities to advance his cause. The layoff he faced freed him up to develop his photography business (Zire Photography & Graphics) and to showcase his skills as a prolific artist. One of those ventures that McCants created was an initiative called Proud Poppas United; which is a community-based group designed to strengthen the bonds between fathers & their children. It aims to encourage a tradition of fatherhood and family, increasing the number of active fathers in our community. When McCants isn’t intellectually cultivating his repertoire of talents, he manages to merge his interest in photography with his desire and passion for fatherhood. Using the Proud Poppas Photo Project, as his flagship initiative, he displays images which celebrate and encourage the pride of being an active father. In many minority and ethnic communities, there is a progressive concern of absentee fathers and the devastating effects of this challenge on our children, our families, and community. He also believes that by displaying these images will help to shed light on and celebrate the gift of fatherhood. He hopes that this movement will also become contagious and bring other men closer to their children and families, and encourage a presence of well-being and development in our children, our families, our communities and our people as a whole. McCants quotes that “My scope is capturing the energy between a father and his children” and that’s what he is creating through his community development initiatives. Through, a first look into the reality concerning “Responsible Fathers” many disturbing statistics and contributing factors related to absent fathers. But, to the credit of McCants, he has been able to overlook the negative stereotypes and prejudices that have perpetuated his community and rise to the occasion. Although, he wears many hats that provide guidance and leadership to the infrastructure of his life’s purpose. To all of the fathers out there with the silent victories of triumph and the principle-centered leadership; who fight depression, financial woes, relationship conflicts, the penal system and the racism of our day; McCants say’s “Thank you” for all that you have been able to get accomplished behind your veil of anonymity. You have just endured the last 13 years of this millennium, and you are still here to tell about it. Although some will say that these last few years have been amazing they are still asleep to the fact that; we (The black community) must work with higher ideals versus dollars and cents. We must look within ourselves and see us as being brave, black, accountable, and reliable. The truth of the matter is that you are embracing fatherhood but at a frequency that may not be understood. I am with you as we will not look at the diluted statistics but at the “transformational leadership” that is displayed by all black fathers and role models everywhere. Don’t give up now as our families are leaning on you in these times of difficulty to represent us to the best of your ability as the “Mighty Men of Valor.” You are the man for the job, and now it’s time to come out of hiding and show the world what real black men look like; and we represent as a tribe of Intellectual builders, teachers, warriors, leaders and Kings. “Fatherhood is not a right; it’s a privilege. Your children are the best part of you. I send my love to this new generation of fathers who have learned from the sins of the past and take a very active role in the lives of our children. ~RAPPER TALIB KWELI, FATHER OF TWO

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