Communication, New Relationships and Dating, Relationships & Marriage

Do Your Relationship Actions Match Your Marriage Rep?

Do Your Relationship Actions Match Your Marriage Rep?

How many of you have ever met a couple that really seemed to have it together and thought to yourself, “wow they are a great couple. I’d like to have a relationship like that one day.”

Not only do they appear to love each other deeply, they also seem to really like each other.  They laugh and have fun together. She is a good wife and mother. He is a good husband and father.

Your first reaction is shock.

They seem to fully support each other’s dreams and goals. They both seem to be deeply committed to each other, their relationship, and their family. They even openly talk about the fact that their relationship is built on God, trust, and respect.

To Tell or Not To Tell…Damn it…So this is who you really are

Now, you don’t view them as the “perfect” couple, but as a very solid couple whose relationship you admire and in many ways would pattern your own relationship after. This is a couple that you would hang out with and seek healthy relationship advice from.

This couple attends your church, or their kid plays on your child’s soccer team, or their significant other is your co-worker; so you’ve had an opportunity to watch this couple interact from a close distance.

One day, one half of the couple whose relationship you have admired and respected, does the unthinkable and hits on you.

  • Your first reaction is shock.
  • Your second reaction is disappointment; not because you thought they were perfect, but because you were truly proud of their relationship and were genuinely rooting for them.
  • Your third reaction is, “Excuse me. What gave you the impression that I was into betrayal and deceit just because you are?”
  • Your last reaction is hurt and embarrassment for the unsuspecting mate.

Now you feel a deep sense of hurt and betrayal for their significant other every time you see them; especially when you hear them talk about how wonderful, faithful, trustworthy, and God-fearing their mate is. Now you’re faced with the age old question…To tell or not tell.

What would happen if?

How many of you engage in behaviors that have made your mate a person that people silently pity, and feel sorrow, shame, and embarrassment for?

How many of you have shamelessly committed acts that have made your mate the laughing stock and the target of hushed whispers and pointed fingers when they enter a room? So, what would happen if…for instance:

  • Would you dare to allow your mate to ride in your car if, upon starting your car, it automatically replayed all of the inappropriate telephone calls made, texts sent, videos watched, and pictures you’ve taken in it?
  • Would you feel comfortable taking your mate to your job if your work persona was revealed to them every time you introduced them to someone?
  • Would you feel comfortable with your mate playing a game of truth or dare with some of the people you praise and worship with every Sunday at church?
  • Would you feel very uncomfortable if your mate was given the opportunity to have a no holds barred one on one conversation with some of your friends, family members, staff at your children’s school, or other parents and coaches on your kids little league team?
  • In any of these scenarios would your mate learn that you’ve not been as committed to them and the relationship as you have portrayed?
  • Would everything you’ve built fall like a deck of cards?
  • If you’re honest with yourself about who you’ve been behind your mate’s back would you want to be in a relationship with you?
  • Would you want your kids to marry someone that behaves like you?

Why Risk it?

I must admit that as a Relationship Coach, I’ve heard and seen just about everything.  As such, I’m not shocked by anything. However, I am still really amazed at the choices people willingly make that could potentially jeopardize their relationships and family life.

TNMFamilyExcitedIf you’ve worked hard to really build a partnership with your (best friend, lover, and confidant), why do you so callously risk losing it?

If you’ve spent years building a reputation as a good father, good wife, a stand up person in your church and the community, why open the doors that could tarnish your reputation in a matter of minutes.

If you’ve put in many years of blood, sweat, and tears to build the career of your dreams and some of your success in that career is associated with you being a stand-up, family oriented, god-fearing person….why, why, why I ask, do you risk losing your livelihood, family, and reputation all at once for a moment in time.

The True Value of Relationship

Life has confirmed for me that everyone is not blessed with an opportunity to experience love.  My work has confirmed that falling in love is easy but staying in love is hard work.

We have multiple opportunities to make money or replace lost possessions.  But not everyone is afforded the opportunity to love and be loved. What good are all the money, material possessions, travel, accomplishments, etc.,  if you have no one meaningful in your life to share them with.

I urge people to think about their actions and the impact they could have on them, their mate, and their family.  Don’t degrade yourself, disrespect your mate, or disgrace your family.

Instead, work to create a relationship that others respect and admire and not one that to be pitied and gossiped about.

Source: Do Your Relationship Actions Match Your Marriage Rep? | BlackandMarriedWithKids.com

About Proud Poppas United

A former Youth Division Aide and Mental Health Therapist with the Office of Children and Family Services turned his reduction-in-force experience into a win-win situation, and many are reaping this harvest. When Tyrone “Zire” McCants, who is also a versatile services photographer and visionary in the Phoenix, AZ, lost his job; he took his youthful interest in photography and his prior knowledge from working in a family-centered position into new ventures. He even figured out a way to coincide his two passions into meaningful opportunities to advance his cause. The layoff he faced freed him up to develop his photography business (Zire Photography & Graphics) and to showcase his skills as a prolific artist. One of those ventures that McCants created was an initiative called Proud Poppas United; which is a community-based group designed to strengthen the bonds between fathers & their children. It aims to encourage a tradition of fatherhood and family, increasing the number of active fathers in our community. When McCants isn’t intellectually cultivating his repertoire of talents, he manages to merge his interest in photography with his desire and passion for fatherhood. Using the Proud Poppas Photo Project, as his flagship initiative, he displays images which celebrate and encourage the pride of being an active father. In many minority and ethnic communities, there is a progressive concern of absentee fathers and the devastating effects of this challenge on our children, our families, and community. He also believes that by displaying these images will help to shed light on and celebrate the gift of fatherhood. He hopes that this movement will also become contagious and bring other men closer to their children and families, and encourage a presence of well-being and development in our children, our families, our communities and our people as a whole. McCants quotes that “My scope is capturing the energy between a father and his children” and that’s what he is creating through his community development initiatives. Through, a first look into the reality concerning “Responsible Fathers” many disturbing statistics and contributing factors related to absent fathers. But, to the credit of McCants, he has been able to overlook the negative stereotypes and prejudices that have perpetuated his community and rise to the occasion. Although, he wears many hats that provide guidance and leadership to the infrastructure of his life’s purpose. To all of the fathers out there with the silent victories of triumph and the principle-centered leadership; who fight depression, financial woes, relationship conflicts, the penal system and the racism of our day; McCants say’s “Thank you” for all that you have been able to get accomplished behind your veil of anonymity. You have just endured the last 13 years of this millennium, and you are still here to tell about it. Although some will say that these last few years have been amazing they are still asleep to the fact that; we (The black community) must work with higher ideals versus dollars and cents. We must look within ourselves and see us as being brave, black, accountable, and reliable. The truth of the matter is that you are embracing fatherhood but at a frequency that may not be understood. I am with you as we will not look at the diluted statistics but at the “transformational leadership” that is displayed by all black fathers and role models everywhere. Don’t give up now as our families are leaning on you in these times of difficulty to represent us to the best of your ability as the “Mighty Men of Valor.” You are the man for the job, and now it’s time to come out of hiding and show the world what real black men look like; and we represent as a tribe of Intellectual builders, teachers, warriors, leaders and Kings. “Fatherhood is not a right; it’s a privilege. Your children are the best part of you. I send my love to this new generation of fathers who have learned from the sins of the past and take a very active role in the lives of our children. ~RAPPER TALIB KWELI, FATHER OF TWO

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